Novel

'Mana: The Shadows of Destiny' is progressing quite well but through outside influences (such as trying to actually get my house in Dungannon ready to live in by Christmas) it hasn't really grown much in the past month.

In that time I have found myself thinking a lot about my paranormal mystery novel set in the Victorian era, I say 'paranormal' but the general idea was of an adventure with seemingly metaphysical factors in which investigator Jonathon Mainwaring would uncover the actual truth. The idea is to make Jonathon Mainwaring a modern day Allan Quatermain, or more appropriately to make Jonathon Mainwaring an Allan Quatermain for this century, and I am of course referring to the original novels like 'King Solomons Mines' and not the graphic novel or the atrocious film derived from it. Jonathon Mainwaring is at heart an adventurer finding the ordinary in the extraordinary situations that he finds himself in.

Anyone who knows me well enough will know that I generally jump from story to story and back again, so I should point out now that I have not actually left Mana in any way, I just haven't had the time to write. Period. I've just been having ideas for the other story and have noted them duly.

The Mother of all Updates (at the moment)

Haven't updated for a while, and since I am currently drunk I can think of no better time (though some may question my reasoning, but since this is my blog you can all go perform oral sex on a diseased warthog [if you disagree that is, if you agree then may the deity of your choice rain milk, honey and whatever rainbows and happiness of your choosing upon your household]).

So, what's new..? Not a hell of a lot really. Dublin Horse Show was as usual a blast, and I have once again drank at least my body weight in Jack Daniels whiskey (I swear that they should be sending me a medal or something by now). There have been a few ups (those responsible you know who you are, and I thank you), there have been a few downs (those responsible you also know who you are, and I may be a nice person but I am also very vindictive), and there have been those few occasions where not a lot has really been worth recording here but is worthy of mention because I am trying to fill space.

Have now not looked at a short story effort in almost a year and the novel is finally getting to the main plot (God you would not believe how much lead time you have to give a story just so you can say 'And now this happens...'), and again I am questioning my ability to write beyond sci-fi or the *cough* numerous love stories that I have (I haven't typed them up Aven because I still want to maintain some kind of credibility).

Other than that, new house in Dungannon is proceeding slowly if expensively, and the closer I get to moving back home the more I find myself wondering if the best thing in the world for me would be to buy a one way ticket to Dubrovnik and start working my way east.

Apart from all else mentioned I am still drinking my brains out and acting like some hyperactive teenager instead of the adult I am. (Plus I have the suspicion that this evening I may have inadvertently cost my father a lot of money... whoops).

Feelin' Blue

No not depressed, have been ill. Bit of a head cold really, headaches, fever, stuff like that. I blame Aven for trying to be supernatural and using his ungodly powers of ultimate pointystickedness in order to mess up my dreams but must have taken a wrong turn at the occipital lobe. Worst of all it has meant that for the last few days I have been sitting around wrapped up in a blanket, watching DVDs and drinking tea. Oh woe is me. *snicker*

Novel Update 2

The plot main plot outline and most of the sub-stories have been finished, plus I've already completed the ending. I had hoped to make a trilogy and I think that I've got enough potential storyline left over to do just that, so I present 'The Broken History' trilogy:

-Mana: The Shadows of Destiny
-Mana: Shattered in Time
-Mana: Fate Rising

Novel Update

Keeping in line with the new storyline for 'Mana: The Rising' I have changed the novel title to something a little more appropriate to the story, it's now 'Mana: The Shadows of Destiny' (somewhat cliched I know, but I'll probably whittle it down to something that's less of a mouthful nearer the time of seeking publication). The revised version has a pretty high body count already and the main adventure really hasn't even begun yet, but I'm aiming for 'bleak' so its all good.

As a small aside I have written a short children's adventure based on a historical event from the same world. This is a surprisingly good creative tool for building legends that may or may not get referenced in the main story but certainly help to add more depth to the world.

Another Joke

It's late afternoon and Miss Wilson has just started her English lesson for her Primary 7 class, today they are learning more complicated words.
"Ok class, our first word is 'contagious'. Can anyone use this word in a sentence?"
Wee Sammy at the back of the class raises his hand, "Please Miss. Yesterday our neighbour was painting his fence with a 1 and a quarter inch brush and me da' said it would take the contagious."

About the author...

So I have spent the last few days more or less writing, some of you (my sister for example) will be like 'Oh God what a waste' but I really enjoyed it, I used to get a real kick out of blowing entire days just sitting in Ground* writing the TBB stories and occasionally working on my own novel. Then those new red-coated traffic wardens came in and I couldn't just abandon my car for eight hours anymore, bastards.

Anyway I've managed to fix a few of the problems that I had encountered with one of my works and have jumped at it again with renewed enthusiasm. Anyway on the way home I started thinking about what I would have as my description on the back page of the novel and after sifting out that which I really thought most important I came up with this-

About the author…

Kyle Spence was born in Dungannon, Northern Ireland in December 1981 (December 8th if you want to send him a card) and freely admits to having no life.

He lives in Portstewart with Amy (his pet scorpion) and spends far too much time in coffee shops. His favourite film is Transformers: The Movie (1986) because Orson Welles has some truly awesome dialogue.

His writing career really took off when he started writing short stories for the online gaming community ‘The Bridge Burners’ and the reception to these stories gave him the impetus to actually try to finish one of the many novels he had started.

Mana: The Rising is his first book and he hopes that you enjoy it, or at least paid for it before leaving the store.


To contact Kyle email:
Kylespence.online@googlemail.com

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*Ground is responsible for putting up with me for every single Bridge Burners story and when I finally get published they will be receiving due recognition for their support over the years.

Hols

So I was away in Florida for 2 weeks. Best holiday (quite possibly) ever. Really, really enjoyed the States, and was away with good company which was an added bonus (everyone, you know who you are). I absolutely recommend Universal Studios for anyone heading out that direction, and Downtown Disney is amazing for nightlife.

Downtown Disney for me... imagine that no matter where you walk in a town your hear music that is exactly what you like, and you are surrounded by bars, restaurants and other dinky little shops that you could waste an age in. I was in a little slice of Vastian Heaven, if it wasn't for the fact that I got ID'd everywhere that I went it would have been perfect.

I should probably try to bore you with more but you can just go and find out for yourself, you'll thank me in the end.

A Joke

A zoophile, a murderer, a necrophile, an arsonist and a masochist are all sitting on a park bench on a sunny but rather quiet day.
After a while the zoophile turns to the others and says, "I'm bored, lets ride a cat."
The murderer thinks about this for a second and says, "Ok, lets ride a cat and then kill it."
The necrophile likes where this is going and says, "Yeah, lets ride a cat, kill it, then we can ride it again."
The arsonist sees a good opportunity and adds, "Lets ride a cat, kill it, ride it again and then we'll set fire to it."
There is a long silence as the group ponders the possibilities and it is broken only because the masochist goes, "Meow."

The Planetside Legacy, complete storyline

Since I doubt that the complete collection will ever come into existence I present to you the plot notes I had drafted for TBB: The Planetside Legacy:

I've deleted the content of this post in Aven's interest (there's always the chance that I'll get it finished). If anyone is interested in looking up the Legacy I've created a separate page, just look for 'The Planetside Legacy' in my Links section.

Writing

I've been trying to create a novel for quite some time now, since I was 14 in fact. Had some ups (Phoenix I enjoyed writing and actually still have hope for), had some downs (what was I ever thinking with an FF8 fan fiction novel...) and plenty of practice in between (thanks to The Bridge Burners). Who knows, some day there might even be a book in Waterstones with my name on it (so long as it isn't 'Kyle Spence: The Story of a Rapist Gone Wrong' I'll take it as a positive).

Anyway for as much as for myself to keep track of how far I've come I've decided to list the leads from my various attempts so that if nothing else I can reuse the names:

-Thomas Kylemore (first novel attempt, can't remember it's name. Was sci-fi)
-Alexander Cherovoski (2097 AGP. Another sci-fi, but not spacey)
-Arridynn of Draconis (Don't ask)
-Vastian Steele (The Thunder Force. *sigh* Sci-fi, set pre TF4 to pre TF5, involved a time travel element to make TF5 make sense [TF5's story changed the-craft-from-TF4's name to being the supposed name of the alien race that built it{human built in TF4}, made the human pilots alien, then set it only a couple of hundred years in the future but claimed it was still after TF4 which itself was set far in the future in the predominantly human Galactic Federation. Out of my undying love for TF4 I tried to bring sense to the story, some of it was actually quite good and I stole a lot of my ideas for future stories, including the 'Vastian' name])
-Vastian Gainsborough (Nomad Soul [original]. This incarnation of Nomad Soul involved the Illuminati, UN Space Corps, the destruction of the Earth, retribution, and an inevitable time travel event)
-Clement Phoenix (Phoenix, a story about life, love, death and beyond. With guns. On one hand I could probably make this into a great story [or attempt at a story] about self enlightenment, but on the other hand I really liked the trilogy build-up to Hell actually having to save Heaven).
-Balder Draupnir (Mana: The Rising. A potential trilogy that stole the mana stones idea from The Secret of Mana then added a religious apocalypse overtone)
-Staceh et all TBB (The Planetside Legacy short stories [reached series 3 of a planned 7]. You might have read them [or the recently revised editions] but you probably haven't)
-Constantine Vastianus Gainsborough (Nomad Soul, revised. I couldn't even begin to describe how detailed a setting I created for the new version of this story, but rest assured that when I'm writing fake peace treaties, non aggression pacts and deciding on currency exchange rates it's a fairly big effort)
-Alexius (Big Winged Freaks [substitute name for a more artsy name pending]. 3 Angels stuck on Earth because they hadn't sided with Heaven but weren't condemned to Hell)
-Balder d'Xion von Daryhiem (Mana: The Rising, revised. Tried rewriting this because I fancied the idea of reusing my fantasy world, started to make Balder evil, don't really like it)
-Matthew Maine (Script I'm still writing)
-Ulysses Odysseus (was drunk and watching Ulysses 31, thought that I could make a decent sci-fi out of it. Hell George Lucas somehow got away with it (by stealing the expanded universe created by all the fan fiction authors) for Star Wars, I can't imagine a blind, fingerless chimpanzee doing much worse)
-Lucifer Pendragon aka Satan aka evil incarnate (The Devil Made Me Do It. Lucifer has lived quite happily on Earth for a long time, he neither wants nor needs the aggravation of tending to human souls. So when someone starts messing with the Dark Lord's chi he decides to get Biblical on their ass, but first a quick game of air hockey)
-Thomas Kylemore (a revised version of my very first story, still working on it occasionally but am having difficulty deciding on a proper reason [excuse] for the events taking place)
-James Denton (Wingman. A RomCom about the guy who always seems to take the bullet for his horny friend. Doesn't involve sci-fi or Top Gun in any way)
-Jason Kelly (Shop!. A story based on my experiences growing up in an environment where it's generally accepted that only one person isn't odd, and it isn't me)

I also wrote a short story called 'Almost the Perfect Love Story' about two people who are perfect for each other but tragically they never meet, can't remember the names of either the two leads though. Might rewrite it at some point though, some of it was quite enjoyable.

I have the nagging suspicion that I'm leaving at least one lead out, so if I remember who it is I'll post up in the comments with a brief biopsis and where they fit into the timeline of my failing writing career.

A Thought

Apparently the average male burns off the equivalent of one quarter of a Topic bar whilst in the act of pleasuring himself. This leads me to wonder if this couldn't be promoted as the new wonder diet of the year, "Wank yourself to better health", and of course there's the added bonus of all those endorphins being released into the bloodstream making us all a happier, more relaxed people.

I think that I'm on to a real winner here, I wonder if I could get a grant from the Princes Trust to get started?

Drunken Philosophy 101.1

Never search for love because the love that you find will only be a disappointment. The love that finds you will be worth holding on to, and the love that you can never have is worth only forgetting.

Full

I'm very full right now. Drunk as a skunk in fact. So, what pearls of wisdom can I leave you with right now..?

1/ If a girl says that she works in the rates office don't ever tell her that you aren't sure whether you should punch her in the face or buy her a drink and spit in it.

2/ That thing that you thought was really witty so you thought that you should say it to the sober rates girl... don't.

3/White russians with JD chasers are not good.

4/ That girl in the white hot pants needs the mother of all wedgies just for the fact that she looks like a cock tease.

5/ Your hair looks exceptionally gay.

Thought for the day

I would like to meet 'Larry', the supposed benchmark for all happiness, though I get the feeling that anyone that happy would just give you a somewhat primal urge to punch him in the face repeatedly. Thing is, he'd probably thank you for it.

And thus in conclusion for a person to be 'Happy as Larry' they would in fact be someone who constantly gets beaten around and is grateful for it, so logically speaking the happiest people on the planet are those jolly folk who visit S&M parlors. This is why emo kids always look so sad, everyone wants to punch them but too much restraint is demonstrated by society and thus another piece of crap poetry about how the world is a gray and dismal place comes into existence.

Make the world a happier place, punch a goth today.

In the beginning...

Wasn't sure how I should begin this little quest of self-enlightenment and shameless self promotion, so here's the opening paragraph of my current work in progress, 'Shop!'-

The first thing that I saw was the light, beautiful and intense it was, radiant in the way only the divine could be. The darkness receded about it's edges as its potency increased, it was intoxicating, enticing, soon there was nothing but the light. The next thing that I noticed was the headache and the overwhelming desire to never again face the light of day. Typical Monday morning really.